Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
