You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
