soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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