I have demons in me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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