Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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