The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
