They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
