Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
