I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
