If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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