I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
