Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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