I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
