no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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