WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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