omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have aggressive nipples.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
