oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
