Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
