Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
