I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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