Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This is my gift to your gina
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
