i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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