Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Randomize
