am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
