Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
