I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I understand Curling. That high.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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