I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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