whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
