My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish I only lived at night.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
