seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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