Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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