I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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