trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am spending my child support on dildos
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
