$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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