Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
