Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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