Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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