i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
