Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
