census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
