Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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