if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
