So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
