At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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