I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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