I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
