he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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