my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
