im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
