I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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